By Sally Brown, Aging with Gusto facilitator
Sitting comfortably at home in my living room, I lose track of time. I find myself in the early afternoon realizing I haven’t done anything. At least that’s the way it feels. How can that be? What is going on? The to do list that I created so I would not just fritter away my time has gotten longer rather than shorter. How is it I have so much time and yet can’t seem to get anything done. What the heck is wrong with me?
I remind myself to be compassionate. After all, our lives have been disrupted and our situations are uncertain. It makes sense to be unsettled, to be taking time to adjust. But, being compassionate with myself is hard. I feel like I should be doing more and scold myself for procrastinating. When I have spoken with others I have advised them to be gentle with themselves. I have encouraged them to not try to do too much, to pay attention to their feelings as well as what they are doing. I have told them that doing nothing and having down time are okay. I have suggested that being in the discomfort will eventually lead to acceptance. I guess I need to follow my own advice.
So, I am trying to be okay with my rhythm and the flow of my day. I am also trying to pick one thing, only one, that I really commit to doing each day (and if I don’t do it, to be kind and understanding with myself). Yesterday I completed my census form. Today I am writing this. Tomorrow, we’ll see.
I realize this extended forced aloneness provides me the opportunity to be reflective. Hopefully reflection will bring me some insight. So, I’m posing some questions to think about. Questions like: How is your life different from before? What are you enjoying? What do you appreciate? What do you miss? What is challenging for you? How are you coping? What are you feeling? What does this make you think about how to live your life and what is important to you? What do you want to keep doing once this is over? How is your perspective different from your children, grandchildren, or friends? What are some challenging situations you have faced before, and how did you get through them? What can you draw on from those experiences that might help you today?
Now, I am going to head outside for a walk on this beautiful day….
Part 2 – Reflections from my Walk on 3/30/2020
I’m on my daily walk, a peaceful, life affirming practice that has been disturbed by the coronavirus and the uncertainty and anguish it has brought the world. On my recent walks I have been uneasy, aware of the discomfort I have felt as I encountered other people. I have wondered if they were carrying the virus. I have wondered if I turn my head away I would be less likely to get their germs. I have felt on edge. I have crossed to the other side of the street. Caution has seemed wise in these unsettling times. Yet, I haven’t liked this distrust of other people. None of this seems natural. My feelings whirl around me.
As I walk today though, I am aware of the quiet warmth surrounding me. Birds are singing. The grass is greening and plants are bravely poking through the hard soil and mat of dead leaves. Spring is emerging, just as it always does in late March and early April in Minnesota. I’m aware of the continuity of the seasons. The resilient plants are awakening from their dormancy after the hard winter months. For months they have hunkered down, reserved their energy, and protected themselves by slowing down and patiently waiting. When the harshness let up, they were ready. They were able to renew themselves, though not without struggle, to slowly revive themselves and carry on. The sun has warmed me. The birds have sung to me. The plants have reached out to me. The universe has spoken to me. I feel calm. I feel whole. I feel connected. If the little plants can push their way through and carry on, I believe that I too will be