Words Matter!!

When it comes to ageism…words matter!

By Donna Comer, Aging with Gusto coordinator



I turned 65 this past year. Friends and relatives said, ” You look good for 65.” Or, “You don’t act or look like you’re 65.” I, like many, appreciate positive comments and affirmations. I believe they intended to compliment me, but their words held an unintended impact. I viewed them more as a back-handed compliment. How does a 65-year-old act or look? If I look good for 65, how does a typical 65-year-old look?

Conversely, many friends have said, “When I get up in the morning, I feel so old. When I look in the mirror, I don’t recognize me; I’ve gotten so old.” Mind you, they know I facilitate discussions about aging and understand I will likely challenge them. (Yes, I am fun at parties!) I’ll say, “What does old “feel” like? Or “Who do you see if you don’t see you?”

When I was 25, no one said, “You look good for your age.” They said, “You look good,” or depending on the day, “You look tired.” When I was younger, people would more likely say, “Act your age”, rather than complimenting me on not acting my age! Yes, some mornings, I wake up, and my joints ache; part of that is aging. It could also be because I slept wrong or overextended myself the day before.

The words we use matter and have an impact on us and others. Feeling happy, sad, worried, and excited are experienced by older people and younger people alike. Feeling old, looking old, and acting old are all based on assumptions and stereotypes. Implied is the idea that “young” is good and “old” is not. Try using descriptive language that disconnects age or the word “old” from the statement. Try “I feel great”; “You look good”; “You’re so active.” They deliver a positive message, not a back-handed compliment.