by Aging with Gusto Facilitator Donna Comer
Is age a feeling? Is age an action?
The past few weeks, I have encountered several comments that gave me pause to ask the question Is age a feeling, or is age an action? On a walk with a friend on my birthday she asked, “How does it feel to be a year older?” At a conference I was at, one of the speakers commented, “I don’t know why older people don’t act their age rather than trying to act like 20-year-olds?”
To my friend, I said, “I don’t feel any different than I did yesterday or last year for that matter.” If anything, I feel grateful to be able to celebrate another trip around the sun.
Age as an action. We live in bodies that have their biological age. At 67 how should I act? Apparently, I am supposed to act my age, but what does that mean? I laugh at unexpected bodily noises and sometimes I swear. These are things I have done my entire life, so you can question my upbringing, but I don’t think you can comment on my not acting my age.
Madeleine L’Engle is quoted as saying: “I am still every age that I have been. Because I was once a child, I am always a child. Because I was once a searching adolescent, given to moods and ecstasies, these are still part of me, and always will be…” I believe this is true. So, if I laugh at an inappropriate time, swear, or dress in a certain way I am acting my age.
Age as a feeling. I could not find any list or image that lists age or old as a feeling nor does Merriam-Webster list it as such. Why then do we say things like I feel so old today, or you’re only as old as you feel? We are expressing more about our state of mind than a biological or medical fact about ourselves. I tutor high school-age kids and sometimes they come into the session complaining about a sore arm, being tired, or walking with a bit of a limp. I haven’t heard them comment that they feel old when they feel this way, they will likely say they fell, didn’t get enough sleep, or pulled a muscle during a workout. My friends on the other hand will likely say something about old being the reason for most aches and pains they experience. If we talk about it more, they will likely admit that they hunched over too long at a computer screen, pulled a muscle playing pickleball, or didn’t get enough sleep.
Treating age as a feeling also sets up “old” as a negative when compared to “young.” When you say something like I feel young at heart, you reflect a cultural obsession with youth. People cultivate a younger identity or subjective age to fend off stereotypes of frailty and senility, says David Weiss, a life span psychologist at the University of Leipzig. “If old age weren’t negatively valued, you wouldn’t need to say that you feel younger,” he said.
So maybe instead of saying I feel old, you can say I didn’t get enough sleep last night and I feel tired, and maybe instead of I feel young at heart, you can say I feel great. Age does not need to be an action or a feeling. At Aging with Gusto we believe developing positive attitudes about aging is paramount to healthy aging whatever age you are. So, we’ll look forward to having you join us sometime to explore theses ideas and thoughts through our Aging with Gusto 3-part series held at various locations throughout the year.
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