by Aging with Gusto Facilitator Susan Maples
Last month Donna Comer wrote an article on age, questioning whether it was a feeling or an action. As a follow up to her thought-provoking article, I’d like to share some excerpts from an article recently published in Next Avenue written by Vanessa Nirode, entitled, “Ruminations on the Word “Old.”’
To introduce the article, it’s helpful for you to know that we often open our Aging with Gusto Task Force meetings with the question; Have you recently experienced any ageist comments and, if so, how did you respond? I remember sharing one of my experiences at a local fast food restaurant when, at the age of 77 or 78, I was asked, “And what would you like young lady?” My response was, “Thanks for asking but actually I’m an old lady.” His response was, “No, you’re not!” to which I said, “Yes, it’s true, I am and proud of it!” He wanted to argue the point; I, instead, placed my order.
Recently in meeting a new doctor, he came through the door and said, “Oh, wow, you look great!” Since I had recently turned 80, I got up, bent over a bit, pretended I had a cane and said, “Were you expecting someone who could hardly walk and looked like they were essentially ready to keel over?” He said, “Actually, yes, I was but here you are looking so healthy, and look at those sneakers!” That’s one reflection of ageism and the assumption that if someone is over a certain age it is to be assumed that they will be decrepit, “less than” or unable to function as those chronologically younger humans.
Has that ever happened to you? If so, how did you deal with it? What did you feel about it? Did you react as if it were a compliment? Did you get frustrated or angry by the ageist negative assumption? Or did you not really notice it?
Vanessa Nirode says, “To me, old is not a negative, not something to be kept secret for fear someone may think less of me.” She continues, “When I say old, I mean not new. I mean experienced, knowledgeable, maybe even wise.” Vanessa compares herself to “the old maple tree standing on my parents’ property that has weathered all manner of storms over the past 50 plus years and is thriving and strong now, towering over the house. It is old and beautiful and powerful. That is what I mean by old. I mean it as a positive thing.”
Vanessa comments further on the fact that, other cultures don’t negatively stereotype age like the United States does; “quite the opposite actually.”
“There are cultures that harbor great reverence for age and older people, and even for old objects,” she said. “For instance, there’s a Japanese custom of Kintsugi wherein if, for example, a bowl breaks, instead of discarding it, they fill the cracks with gold.”
Finally, Vanessa summarizes her happiness at reaching 50 saying that she was not only still alive but “somehow, along the way (she) stopped caring quite so much what people thought or (her) and ceased trying to seamlessly patch and smooth over all the cracks, mistakes and imperfections and begin, instead to fill them with gold.”
While January with its resolutions has come and gone, resolutions can still be made in February or any other month for that matter. So, I challenge you to embrace and honor the word old as a symbol of your own vast experience, wisdom, knowledge and resilience. And, while few of us are goldsmiths, here’s our opportunity to try our hand at the art of embracing, in a loving and compassionate way, our ageing bodies, minds and hearts and filling any of the broken parts with gold!
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