Healthy Eating and self-care during times of grief or stress

By Mia Bremer

As we get older, we become aware of the losses that accompany aging.  The loss of friends, spouses, even the loss of physical and cognitive abilities can affect our health as we grieve these changes. Self-care after a painful loss may seem impossible.  Food is either undesirable or is used as a comfort and while both things are understandable, they can negatively affect your health.  The time and effort spent caring for yourself can bring feelings of guilt, yet self-care is one of the most important things you can do right now.  Healthy choices, including eating foods which promote mental and physical well-being, will support you in the process of grief and stress. 

Water – Dehydration often goes unnoticed, but fatigue, shakiness and loss of concentration are common signs.  Crying increases the loss of fluids.  Try for 6-8 or glasses a day.

Caffeine – Caffeine stays in your body for up to eight hours after drinking it which then affects your ability to sleep at night.  Stop drinking coffee by late morning.  A better choice is green tea which contains antioxidants which repair damaged DNA and reduce stress in the body. 

Loss of Appetite – Eating during this time may be difficult and sporadic.  Try to eat small amounts of food more often along with, or instead of regular meals. If you find you are losing weight, choose foods that have both higher calories and high nutritional value. 

The following foods support the nervous system, the muscular system and they may be easier to tolerate:

Unintended Weight Gain – You may also have the urge to eat even when you’re not feeling hungry.  This is a form of emotional eating that can cause weight gain.  One or two incidents of eating beyond hunger do not typically result in weight gain, but if this becomes a coping habit, your body will take the nutrition it can from food and store the excess calories as body fat.   Weight gain can affect your physical health by increasing blood pressure and your risk for diabetes. It can also affect your emotional health and self-esteem at a time when you’re already feeling vulnerable.  First, forgive yourself for any incidents of eating beyond hunger.  Forgiveness and patience are at the core of self-care.  Then, think about the following:

• Hunger is a signal of when to eat, not how much to eat.  If you’re very hungry, you don’t need more food, you need food now.   If you’re only slightly hungry, you can wait or eat a small handful of food, such as nuts or a piece of fruit. 
• Start listening for hunger cues and respond to them rather than react to them.  Responding means you make a thoughtful choice.  Reacting does not involve a choice, but rather an action that stems from an emotional state such as sadness or anger.  The result of reacting is not helpful in the long run.
• Your stomach can hold no more than 3-4 cups of food at one time (a cup is about the size of your fist).   Anything more than that can distress your gastrointestinal system.  You don’t need any additional stress on your system right now.
• Overeating or undereating for any length of time can cause our appestat (appetite regulator) to misfire or give false signals.  Over time, with purposeful, healthy eating we can reset our appestat and learn to trust our hunger.
• Get ahead of hunger by eating small amounts of healthy foods throughout the day instead of three large meals if this appeals to you.   If three thoughtful meals feel better, that’s what you should do.  Listen to your body and what it wants.
• Choose from the list of healthy foods in the Loss of Appetite section above while practicing portion control. 
• Much of your food should be those that are high nutrition but lower calorie such as fruits and vegetables; a minimum of five servings a day. 
• Keep sweets to a minimum.  A few M&Ms once a day or a cupcake at a family event are fine.  If you crave sugar, choose something that addresses the craving to eat once a day.  Enjoy that small piece of chocolate or licorice.  That, too, is self-care.

Emotional Eating – Emotional eating is not necessarily bad and is not uncommon.  We often eat when we’re happy and celebrating or sad and grieving.  It only becomes a problem when we do it regularly and it negatively affects our health.  Sugar and high fat foods are often what we crave but only serve to comfort us temporarily as they have little nutritional value and leave us feeling worse, both emotionally and physically. 

If you find you are reaching for comfort foods too often try these things first:

• Pause and distract yourself with another activity for five minutes.  The feeling will likely pass. 
• If the feeling doesn’t pass, enjoy some comfort food, but instead of eating mindlessly, portion out a bowlful and eat slowly.
• Perform purposeful breathing instead of eating.  Inhale for four counts and exhale for eight counts. Repeat for 2 minutes.  This simple exercise invokes your parasympathetic nervous system which decreases heart rate, increases digestion, and slows respiration.
• Remind yourself that food cannot satisfy emotional needs.  Food can only satisfy hunger.  Try other emotionally calming activities such as walking or exercising, taking a bath, doing a ten-minute meditation (there are good ones on YouTube) or talking to a trusted friend.