Young Lady; Old Lady by Marion McCarthy
My name is Marion McCarthy and I live at the Episcopal Homes Campus in St. Paul. I am proud to have been involved at the start of the Aging with Gusto program, and I want to share a few of my insights.
In 2012, the Vital Aging Network formed a partnership with Ramsey County Public Health’s Healthy Communities Section to learn more about how ageism — and particularly self-directed ageism — impacts older adults.
VAN and Ramsey County held two listening sessions in 2012 and 2013 with community leaders and older adults to explore the issue. The listening sessions confirmed the need to raise awareness about ageism and suggested that the best way to do that was through facilitated community discussions on the topic of aging.
At the time, I was a participant in VAN’s Evolve leadership development program and, as part of the program, I needed to design and implement a community project. Julie Roles, then the program director at VAN, knew that I had a deep interest in ageism, and she suggested that I consider organizing a pilot of Aging with Gusto using preliminary ideas for how to lead the discussions.
I agreed. I was living in a different apartment at that time. I gathered two groups of residents to meet for a series of three sessions focusing on this topic. It is interesting to note after conducting the first session we made changes on how to conduct the next session even before the second group had its first meeting. What we learned in these discussions helped the Aging with Gusto Task Force develop the program as it is today.
I have had a passion for reversing the negativity surrounding aging for more than 20 years. Just consider that when a news commentator or broadcaster discusses a person over the age of 80 or 85 they always add a caveat that the person is still sharp. They don’t do this when talking about younger people. We automatically assume an older person is in some stage or form of dementia.
Here’s an example of how ageist attitudes have affected me. Not long ago one of the Aging with Gusto groups was discussing addressing an older woman as “young lady.” We talked about being introduced as old ladies, which is more accurate.
Soon after, I was working with my exercise instructor, and he referred to me as a “young lady.” I reminded him I was not a young lady. I was old. He started to call me “old lady.” After a few minutes of this, I had to tell him to stop because it made me so uncomfortable. To this day, I feel angry with myself for the internal bias I felt that day against aging.
This personal example showed me just how much negative concepts of aging have permeated society.
After ten years or so of Aging with Gusto, there doesn’t seem to be much change in society about the negativity associated with aging. But hopefully, the effort put forth by programs such as this will help people consider the positive aspects to counterbalance what we are exposed to daily. Don’t sell yourself short. The wisdom you have gained through your lifelong experiences is invaluable in obtaining a more more positive view of aging. That attitude will be reflected in the future projects you undertake.
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