By Susan Maples, AWG Task Force member
When asked to write a few paragraphs on dealing with COVID-19 I thought, “OK, I should be able to do that.” Then I sat down and started writing a few notes and noticed that they all seemed to be about sadness and loss. Then I thought, “Where’s your sense of hope and lightness… what happened to that?” After thinking about giving up on writing, I realized it was best to be real and authentic along with sharing things that have previously helped me during difficult times. I decided to “give it a whirl.”
So, if like I, you’ve had worries, concerns, a sense of loss and grief, you’re not alone. Let me share some of my darkest feelings and thoughts (in no particular order) that seem both especially hard as well as downright normal (I think!):
• Motivation is a struggle
• “Infodemic”—so much information and constantly changing—it’s overwhelming
• At times wanting to pull the covers over my head and sleep until it’s over
• Walking at my regular time is no longer the meditative practice it has been…it evokes sadness and has become a human obstacle course of avoidance rather than welcoming
• The joys of shopping particularly at TJs where I normally go about every 2 days (am on a first name basis with many of the staff) and chat/check in with them and am now told not to go because it’s life-threatening and I’m over 70
• Trying to stay in the present moment but having waves of sadness and loss and temporarily slipping into the depths
• Feeling like a whining child and thinking that both currently and historically people have dealt with and lived through so much worse than what I’m personally experiencing
• “Shoulding” all over myself for not doing more during this “free” time but feeling bombarded and exhausted by the “infodemic” to, at times, the point of physical and emotional paralysis
• Ethically and morally struggling with what feels to me like the White House leadership’s primary focus being on money rather than on people’s lives
• Disappointment over some of our “trips of a lifetime” scheduled in 2020 not being possible now and very likely, never
• Concerned about the financial impact on us after having worked so hard to prepare for retirement and preserve our resources
• Loss of the freedom to move and go wherever I want to go without worrying about a life or death situation
• Special concern and worry for family, friends and all the courageous community people (caring for all of us) who might contract the virus
• Generalized grief about the hundreds of thousands of people who have lost their lives and/or the lives of loved ones
I’ve had many more similar thoughts but enough is enough! Now on to things that have helped me and hopefully will provide some sense of ease/comfort for you:
• Acknowledging and embracing the loss/sadness/disappointment/grief (over and over as it’s a process not an event) so that I can express it and move forward each time
• Focusing on the moment and what I am able to control rather than projecting into the future (whether it be minutes, hours, days, weeks, etc.)
• Being grateful for what a good life I’ve had and for how very blessed I continue to be
• Trying to create a daily routine that can provide structure and some daily certainty during such uncertain and scary times
• Reminding myself that while this is a “forced eviction” from my “normal” life, my personal strength and courage have served me well during past very difficult times
• Connecting, connecting, connecting with family and friends while simultaneously preserving a healthy dose of individual, introspective time and space for reflections like this!